Dear Miss Thang,

Congratulations on your new job at our competitor. I hear that they pay quite well, and have (in the past year) taken the most putrid and obnoxious of our company's employees and totally headhunted them. I have a funny feeling that they are trying to build an entire department of heinous, loyalty-impovershed bitchfaces to design their components. SO KUDOS TO YOU! That is really awesome that you would pick right now, the end of our struggling design program for a customer that is *reallyreallyreally* pissed off at our piss poor performance to leave. That is truly helpful, because it isn't like we are doing a bad job because the program required about three times the number of people we had on it, now is it?! No. It is because we are fucktards, obviously.
I am very happy that you will also be making a whole *38%* more than you did here. MAN! Is that a lot more money, or what?! Well, I wasn't aware that it was, until you reiterated the fact about 3254732 times throughout the past week! I guess it DOES indeed pay to be an adultress twat with the emotional maturity of a twelve year old girl on her period!!!
Speaking of which! I will greatly miss our girl talk. Like when I was back talking to my boss all those times, leaned over his c-shaped desk to point to a component on his computer screen to explain/ask something, and you would come and yank my hair! Wow, that really helped my ability to be taken seriously by the other co-workers, let me tell you. Having a crass little provacatuer snapping my hair like reins was, I think, the defining moment of my career thus far. I also really liked how uneasy it made the boss for a while! It isn't like the guy is trying to behave himself around his very young, blonde, hour-glass shaped assistant, now, is it? No! He was definitely not put off by that at all!

WOW! We have had a great time together, haven't we? I have many things I will miss about you, especially your cheap and tactless ploys for attention, your perpetuation of the Women Don't Make Engineers as Well As Men Do myth, and all of the sexual harassment and hitting on my boss while peeking around the corner to see if I was pissed off! I am not sure WHERE I will find someone as passive agressive and wholly fucked-up as you, my dear lady friend, but I am certain another will come along. Let me tell you, I am waiting with baited breath!

HUGS AND KISSES XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Your Only Other Noticibally Female CoWorker
(Who Just Might Be Taken Seriously Now.)